constantly bailing out water

my friend i need you now
please take me by the hand
stand by me in my hour of need
take time to understand

take my hand dear friend
and lead me from this place
chase away my doubts and fears
wipe the tears from off my face

friend i cannot stand alone
i need your hand to hold
the warmth of your gentle touch
in my world that's grown so cold

please be a friend to me
and hold me day by day
because with your loving hand in mine
i know we'll find the way

one thing to do before you die

there are things in life that everyone says you should do or see before you die.

now that i have done it for longer than just a summer, i think that one of those things is to work in the service industry. working any sort of face-to-face customer service job has its ups and downs, just as any job does, but it is a lot harder than people think. whether it's being a waitor, or barista, or in fast food, or store clerk, or hair dresser, etc etc etc, it's hard. it's hard to deal with people every day and have to put on a happy, friendly face no matter what. it doesn't matter if your dog just died, or your boyfriend just broke up with you, if you have a headache, or just happen to be having a blah day. you have to put it behind you because in many of these cases, your livelihood depends on it. as a barista, i make minimum wage. without tips, i would not be able to pay my bills. without a smile on my face, i do not make tips.

yes, generally, the actual work is easy. we don't have to try to find the cure for cancer or know how to land an airplane or fight fires or do manual labor. but oftentimes, i think people don't give service industry workers enough credit. i don't even think i give myself enough credit for doing this sort of work. in a recent conversation about places to meet decent guys someone asked me if i ever met any at work. and i replied, "not often, but i serve a lot of professionals and i feel like they just think i'm stupid cuz i work in a coffeeshop. i think they just assume i don't have an education or much to offer." now, i don't usually feel that these customers talk down to me or anything, i just assume that they don't see me to be at their level. they don't know that my tip jar is basically my "send me to grad school fund."

anyway, i guess the point is, that the people who serve you deserve your respect. they have bad days and stressful lives too, and they have to deal with complaints and requests all day, and with a smile at that. the only people who really seem to understand this, are the people who've done it. at the park ave fest today shannon and i got henna tattoos. we met the tattoo artist earlier in the coffeeshop and chatted with her about her work. she was probably one of the friendliest people i've ever met. after she was done doing our tattoos, she said something to the effect of, "thanks a lot, and you guys are awesome, cuz you work in a coffeeshop." at first i found that quite surprising, because as i said above, i often feel like people don't see us to be smart, or motivated, or "awesome." (and of course there are those of us who aren't, but that's another story). but she explained that she knew how hard it was to work in customer service (obviously) and that she really appreciates what servers do. i thought that was really cool for her to say, and obviously got me thinking.

so that's that. my advice is, before you die, take a job in the service industry. and if you really want to be hardcore about it, try a minimum wage one. :)

still fighting it

so the current debate is...

do i stay where i am and relax for a while? or do i start on a new venture (namely grad school) and continue in the seemingly ever-changing lifestyle?

i'm not sure what the answer is. about three days ago i def thought the answer was to just chill for awhile and embrace what i'm doing. about two days ago i started to question that. i was driving home from work and saw a guy walking down the street. i honestly don't really remember what he looked like now, but i for whatever reason, i thought he was a grad student. and although i'm sure i see people like him walking down that street every day, that day the thought, "i want to go to grad school" popped into my head. it wasn't anything i was thinking about, just kind of came to me. i also recently had a dream that i was attending an orientation of sorts at the university of rochester. signs? i do not know.

before that "revelation" (?), i figured i would just hang tight. since graduating from wooster, there have been a lot of changes in a relatively short period of time...as there are for all people my age. new apartments, new jobs, quitting jobs, other new jobs, other new apartments, friendships gained, friendships lost, etc etc etc. currently i'm happy in my living situation and content with my working situation, which has not always been the case. barista work is generally stress free, i have nice hours, i like my co-workers and so on. i thought i'd just kind of ride it out while i could. but now i'm not so sure.

am i looking for more of a challenge? do i think i'll meet more people i'm compatible with in a university setting? am i ready to get on with my life? am i scared to give up something i'm content with and take a chance? will there ever be answers?

those are the questions.

like the pieces of my heart

as far as i've experienced, nothing is worse than loneliness.


although, jealousy does come in a close second.

chocolate chip pancakes

tomorrow is november. time is moving quickly. i need to be out of this apartment by the end of the month. i need to have a job before i can apply for the new apartment. not a whole lot has changed besides the amount of pressure on me. i'll probably just "settle" for a seasonal job if nothing comes along in the nearest future, but i'm a little bit nervous that that type of job will have to start before i'd like it to. ideally, i'd like to work at msc for the rest of the month. but a mall type job will likely need me before thanksgiving. i am bummed that this phase in my life has to end soon. i made some positive changes (mentally/emotionally) but can't afford to live this way (happily) for long (financially). soon, i will move away, have a crap job, and leave my friends. can someone help put a more positive spin on this?

new day, same shit

woeiruwaoafkjsldkgjwoeifjalsdkcnsldfkasjdfkl.


ugh.


i'm indecisive, afraid of committing to anything because i might end up hating it, and lost.


"real life" sucks.

little victories

i have an interview at university of rochester this week for a receptionist position in the dept of res life. if i can somehow pull off getting this job, we can move soon, and i can eventually get my master's degree from there for (almost) free. cross your fingers. and toes.

the rest is still unwritten

'ello mates.

here is what's going on in my life.

i am done with my awful awful job. woop! i am working 3 hours a day at main street coffee. and i love it. it's so relaxed. i love having something to do everyday. i love wearing my jeans everyday. i love learning new things. i love working with and seeing my friends. i feel like myself there.

i had an interview at a high-end salon and spa in rochester the other day. i'm going in for my second interview/shadowing tomorrow afternoon. so i guess that means the interview went well. which, it did. but now that i've slept on it and a few days have gone by, i'm not sure it would be the right fit. i don't want to count it out before i even see what it's about or get a job offer, but i think my gut is trying to tell me something. there are good points to this place/job, however. a major one being that it's everything my last job was not. aka, i interviewed for a "coordinator" position (a glorified receptionist) and there is an 8 week training just for this position. that is amazing to me. to have your expectations outlined and job responsibilities spelled out...it's like a dream. but it's so ritzy that it's like, i walked in there and every person working there was amazingly beautiful, dressed super nice, and looked really put together. i'm not sure i could do that everyday. i've been saying that those are the type of girls i think i've always wanted to be, but am not. sometimes i just don't have the motivation to look amazing. and i'm ok with that. it's weird how one interview has made me re-examine myself so much. but i think it's important. i'm really reevaluating what's important to me, where i feel comfortable, and what i want in life. like, i think i would probably be ok at that job, but i think that it wouldn't take long before i felt like i was acting everyday. i'm not sure i would be happy getting up every morning to do that. plus, it's just exactly the opposite of gcasa in the flexibility area, which would be a huge adjustment. i got used to such a laid back environment, and this would def not be like that. bottom line is, at the end of the day i want to go home liking my job and who i am while i'm there.

and while we're on this self-evaluation kick, i'm rethinking grad school as well. i just think i'm not ready for a career. or to decide what i want to do for the rest of my life. right now i'm the happiest i've been in a long time. i wish i could keep doing this forever. but obviously 18 hours a week at minimum wage isn't going to sustain me for long. i'm not ready to grow up. i admire my friends who are teachers and have chosen a career and everything. i'm just not ready. i can't imagine working a job now that i could have for the next 35 years of my life. and i don't want to go to grad school just because i "should." i don't know what to doooooooo. :)

so how do i figure out what to do? now, and in the long term?

well, luckily or unluckily, i've lost my train of thought.

over and out. loves.

fourth rung of the ladder

i meant to blog about this before. but, i've been busy?

last week was down to earth approach's last show. ever. they played at msc. and it was awesome. i seriously spent the whole night feeling like i was 14 again watching the burns:) singing along, buying a shirt, i even got the drumstick. haha. it was so much fun. i even felt a little sad. it's weird to think that they are done after playing together for so long. i kind of feel like part of my youth is over now. i'll never have that super-excited-hot-guys-playing-guitars feeling again. anyway, those guys have provided a lot of awesome memories. tons of shows, lots of drumsticks, riding in the van to ohio, buying their cd out of town. good times. i'll miss 'em.

so many good lyrics to choose from. but i guess i'll have to go with a dtea classic. (altho not fourth rung of the ladder:))



this ain't science baby, it's called creativity
♥

it's all over (clap clap clapclapclap)

today is september 6th.
tomorrow is september 7th.
monday is september 10th.
on monday i will be unemployed.

woo! no more of this horrible place! but at the same time wtf am i doing? i'm mostly excited, but still scared. all i really need is a job to pay my rent. i want to focus on school. i think i'd be ok working in the mall or something. some of my coworkers even got me kind of excited about it. low(ish) stress, discounts on clothes. why not? i need to make a plan for next week. go into rochester at least a few times and apply for shiz.

two of my coworkers got me the cutest going away gift. it's pina colada mix. and they wrote my name and taped it on the label. they've always gotten a kick out of the fact that my name rhymes with pina colada. and they always sing me the song. it's cute.

i have my exit interview tomorrow. i am not too worried about it, but i am a little bit concerned. i'm not sure if i should bring up the shadyness of the situation. because of course now everyone's acting all nice and whatnot, but at the same time, my job has already been posted. budget issue my ass. i guess i probably should say something. i think i will at least turn in my evaluation. altho, she could likely throw it away if she doesn't like what she sees and say that i never turned it in, but i guess i'm willing to take that risk. there is a slight chance the management here isn't as heartless as they seem.

i am about 85% super super super happy to be out of here. and 15% slightly sad. i genuinely enjoy most of my coworkers and have fun with them. it seems that just as i'm fitting in here, i'm leaving. but it's ok because the actually work part of this job still sucks and i can still talk to them without having to suffer thru working here.

i am kind of worried about moving tho because i'm in the same type of situation. the social life here has finally come around again, we are all a group of friends again, i have cassie and everything, and now we're leaving. she'll be moving to buffalo too, so that's a bummer. maybe they'll surprise me and come visit more than i'm expecting. gotta live it up while we're still here. carpe diem.

this post reminds me of "free writes" in 8th grade english. write whatever pops into your head. it's lame.