still fighting it

so the current debate is...

do i stay where i am and relax for a while? or do i start on a new venture (namely grad school) and continue in the seemingly ever-changing lifestyle?

i'm not sure what the answer is. about three days ago i def thought the answer was to just chill for awhile and embrace what i'm doing. about two days ago i started to question that. i was driving home from work and saw a guy walking down the street. i honestly don't really remember what he looked like now, but i for whatever reason, i thought he was a grad student. and although i'm sure i see people like him walking down that street every day, that day the thought, "i want to go to grad school" popped into my head. it wasn't anything i was thinking about, just kind of came to me. i also recently had a dream that i was attending an orientation of sorts at the university of rochester. signs? i do not know.

before that "revelation" (?), i figured i would just hang tight. since graduating from wooster, there have been a lot of changes in a relatively short period of time...as there are for all people my age. new apartments, new jobs, quitting jobs, other new jobs, other new apartments, friendships gained, friendships lost, etc etc etc. currently i'm happy in my living situation and content with my working situation, which has not always been the case. barista work is generally stress free, i have nice hours, i like my co-workers and so on. i thought i'd just kind of ride it out while i could. but now i'm not so sure.

am i looking for more of a challenge? do i think i'll meet more people i'm compatible with in a university setting? am i ready to get on with my life? am i scared to give up something i'm content with and take a chance? will there ever be answers?

those are the questions.

like the pieces of my heart

as far as i've experienced, nothing is worse than loneliness.


although, jealousy does come in a close second.